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There are a number of relationships that start off with potential, but end in disappointment. Many couples say the words, ‘I love you,’ but don’t understand the meaning of service, sacrifice, unconditional love and what it means to fear God. If these were core competencies that were required for everyone to understand before saying, ‘I do,’ then the question would be, “Would you marry YOU?”

Are you so obsessed with being in a relationship that you are willing to compromise these competencies? Do you feel the need to have a man in your life because your biological clock is ticking and your ovaries are on fire? Well, if you’ve answered yes, then that’s your truth. However, don’t allow your poor choices to get a man, keep a good man from really giving you his heart.

Ladies, how would you know if a man’s heart was really with you, or not? What does he mean when he says, “I love you?” What does love look like to you? What does love feel like to you? How did daddy show you love? Could the absence of daddy’s love or attention be the underlying component of your poor choices in your relationships? If you had the opportunity to be daddy’s little girl, do you know how to separate daddy’s love from your husband’s?

Many times the WHY you do what you do now stems from your past experiences as a child. If you witnessed and felt daddy’s love and attention in your life through your eyes as a little girl, then you would only know daddy, because you were daddy’s little girl. However, your mother witnessed and experienced daddy as a husband and the father of her children. She had a totally different relationship and experience than you, rightfully so. By the same token, the way daddy expressed his love for you was different than the way he expressed his love for and attention to your mother. The truth of the matter is that your daddy was the right man for your mother and only her.

Conversely, too many young ladies who had an active and involved daddy in their lives grow up looking for every man to look like and love them like their daddy did. Stop expecting the man that you’re with to love you like daddy. He CAN’T.  He has an entirely different role and assignment in your life. This is one of the many reasons that a number of women have a tough time distinguishing when God brings them Mr. Right. They even have a harder time SURRENDERING their heart to God, because they are not listening to the VOICE of God. They are spending too much time checking things off the list of what they want versus what they need.

In our culture today, more often than not, far too many young ladies are growing up deprived of a real relationship with daddy. Therefore, when it comes to relationships with men, many women are ill-prepared to identify the behavioral patterns of a player. Sadly, many will have to learn by trial and error. Too many women wind up experiencing more of the downs than the ups, the sad rather than the happy, in relationships. Many have made or will end up making poor choices when choosing a life partner.

To be frank, our society has failed us in so many ways. We would rather celebrate wrong over right and look at right as if it’s wrong. For example, women are constantly competing with the images of what’s displayed on television from the media and other outlets. Women are told that they don’t need a man. Women are told that all men are dogs. Women are told that the key to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Have all women become blinded by myths? Do women feel that in order to survive they have to replace the role of the man? Is today’s man at the risk of becoming extinct? Sidebar: The key to a man’s heart is not through his stomach; it is through his imagination.

So how has this mentality forced men to compete for their God given position? Every day when a man wakes up he realizes that he has two choices: he can be the lion or the gazelle. He knows that he must provide and protect for his current or future family and their future.

Men are constantly trying to differentiate between the voices in their head and their hidden emotions. Every man has emotions; it’s just difficult for him to express them. On one hand he is dealing with the voice that is constantly asking, am I needed, valued and respected? If he is single, his emotions run high when faced with the question of to whom he should commit, love and open his heart? If he is married, the question becomes is he measuring up to the thoughts in his head of what a good husband, father and provider should look like? Every man struggles with just how much vulnerability to show to a woman. This is a fine line for all men. We DO NOT want to be perceived as a failure, weak, easy to pushover, or by not being a good provider.

The biggest mistake that so many women make today is that they believe that the act of sex will capture a man’s heart; when in fact, all you have captured is his penis. Ladies, you can’t secure your future with a man by trapping him with what’s between your legs.

Having a man’s child won’t guarantee that you’ll capture his heart. Far too many women have trapped themselves and traveled down this road all in the name of love or in hope of a title. Unfortunately, they have put the cart before the horse thinking that they had a lasting relationship and they really didn’t. One poor choice, along with a couple of non-communicated expectations and a few sinful desires can earn a woman the dreadful title – “she’s just my baby momma.”

A great example of that is the story of Jacob, Leah and Rachel. Leah had six sons by Jacob; however, after all she had been through, she still did not have his heart. No matter how much she loved and desired Jacob, he still wanted Rachel. In fact, Leah wasn’t even the reason why Jacob was there. Leah was the OPTION provided to him as he was deceived by Laban. Jacob had CHOSEN Rachel from the very beginning.

Jacob asked Laban for Rachel’s hand in marriage and was willing to SERVE Laban for 7 years. However, since Leah was the oldest daughter and had not been married, Laban thought that he would deceive Jacob by night into sleeping with Leah. His plan worked and Jacob slept with Leah. When Jacob found out that he was deceived by Laban, he was still willing to SERVE an additional 7 years for what he REALLY wanted – which was Rachel. In total Jacob served 14 years. (Genesis 29:14-35)

Ladies, there are several messages in the story of Jacob, Leah and Rachel.

  1. Let the man choose YOU.
  2. Sex with a man is just sex to a man. He does not get an emotional connection.
  3. Be anxious for nothing. Don’t become any man’s OPTION. You must know your WORTH.
  4. When a man knows what he wants he’ll crawl through broken glass just to prove it. In other words, a man will do whatever it takes to prove his love.
  5. If a man is willing to SACRIFICE his COMFORT and CONVENIENCE by WORKING for you – you have his heart. He is showing you.

Ladies, if you really want to know if your man’s heart is with you, listen to what he says, watch what he does, and JUST ASK HIM. Note to women: Every man guards his heart to protect his pride and hide his emotions. He is afraid to let you in because he doesn’t want to show vulnerability to the wrong woman. If you are not the right one, he doesn’t want to share his secrets and have his insecurities exposed.

So, when a man truly loves you and allows you into his heart, he is essentially saying, I TRUST you with my deepest secrets, desires and dreams. If you are in his heart, he will SERVE you; SACRIFICE for you; DIE for you and UNCONDITIONALLY LOVE you. However, until a man allows God to take control of his heart, you haven’t really experienced his heart. In other words, until he completely SURRENDERS his heart to God and learns to FEAR God, he won’t know how to LOVE HIMSELF before trying to love you. Get ready, because when he does, you’ll then know what it’s like to experience love from a man.

A good example of this is the story of Hosea and Gomer. Hosea is a man who is walking with God. He is willing to obey God and follow His instructions to marry a promiscuous woman named Gomer. Gomer was a harlot, but Hosea loved her in spite of her past. Hosea makes one of the ultimate sacrifices that any man can make in a relationship – he buys Gomer back from the man that she was sleeping with.

See, although he was married to Gomer, she was still living in her past. She could not escape her promiscuous ways. Note: Just because you get married doesn’t mean that you’ve escaped your past. Hosea’s actions exemplify the greatest form of love and obedience to the will of God that a man can show. Clearly, because of his fear and love for the Lord he was willing to show Gomer that he could love her in a way that she had never been loved. She had a place in his heart (Hosea 1, 2 & 3)


  • Has God confirmed that he is the one?
  • If so, are you willing to wait for God to transform His heart?
  • Does God have your heart?
  • How will you enhance his life?
  • Would you marry you?
  • How did this blog help you better understand the thought and heart of a man?

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  1. Candra

    I enjoyed reading this page an it made me think on alot of things an see things alot different and it makes you ? yourself now do he really love u and will he b willing to die for you are is he just lusting off your sex and you… this was real good thank you now I have to really do somethinking on my life and my relationships….

    Jun 4, 2013

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  2. Trish

    Good read! This actually confirmed my assessment and beliefs. I honestly believe that man will do whatever it takes to meet the needs, desires, and wants of the he is in a relationship with.

    I believe because of our instinctive nature we can identify when the heart is disconnected from the actions. But for some reason we choose to ignore it. Why is that? Are we that desperate for a relationship? I will like to think not. At this point we have become so emotionally connected and it is not that easy to just walk away. We just don’t want to deal with the process of healing, filtering out the bad so we stay. Unfortunately the longer we accept this the deeper the pain and thus the longer it takes for us to progress through healing from the anger, deceit, bitterness, and distrust. And this is just dealing with the disappointment with self not including the cleansing you must go through from the anger with him.

    Jun 20, 2013

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  3. Wow!! I just got finished praying that my friend surrenders his all to Christ. I stepped back. This is amazing!! It’s confirmation about what I’ve been praying. God is powerful and I will wait for his timing.

    Dec 17, 2016

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